It can be difficult to navigate autism and boundaries. Many autistic people have a literal relationship with language and are not aware of the social etiquette rules that neurotypical people naturally acquire as they mature. Autistic individuals often need the support of a parent or caregiver for them to understand and engage with these social rules.
Teaching
social boundaries to autistic individuals from a young age is a great way to
ensure they grow up with realistic expectations and behaviors. In this blog, we will look at how to set boundaries with an
autistic person, as well as ways to support autistic individuals when their
boundaries have been broken.
Many social interactions rely heavily on context, which can cause
confusion when teaching boundaries to people with autism. For example, a parent or caregiver asking an autistic person how
they are should elicit a different response than when someone
they don’t know very well asks the same question.
However, without knowledge of social boundaries, an
autistic person might start oversharing when a simple, ‘Okay, thanks,
how are you?’ would have been more appropriate.
Social scripts are a great
way to help clarify social boundaries for autistic people. There are many online resources with clear explanations of social conventions,
guidance on navigating social situations and even conversation starters, each
broken down into different scenarios. These scripts create ‘rules’ for social interactions and can take some of the stress out of
unpredictable encounters.
Not knowing how to communicate or react appropriately in a given situation can lead to miscommunication or bluntness. Having a script of what to say or do gives the individual clear guidance so they don’t have to guess or become overwhelmed.
Context is even
more important when setting bodily
boundaries with autistic people, and you should clearly
explain situations in which different rules should
apply. For example, a stranger might touch their
hand during a handshake, and a friend might touch their
back during a hug, but only trusted people are allowed to touch them below
the belt, such as a doctor during an examination or
a caregiver when bathing.
Speaking of which,
it is important to explain that while it is
okay to be naked in the bath or when changing, they need
to keep their clothes on when walking down the
street or playing in the park.
Autistic children and young people should be encouraged to use the correct clinical names for body parts so that they can clearly communicate if someone is breaking their bodily boundaries.
There are three things to
keep in mind when teaching boundaries to
autistic individuals:
Establishing clear rules and sticking to them when teaching
boundaries to someone with autism creates a consistent environment that encourages the person to understand the rules. If
you find any exceptions or anomalous situations, acknowledge them and explain
why those exceptions exist.
Autistic people need just as
much autonomy as neurotypical people. Their needs might be different to those of a neurotypical person, so you must work
with that autistic person to set boundaries that suit their
needs, as well as methods to enforce them.
Many autistic people, especially
autistic children, are spoken over or presumed to be fussy,
attention-seeking or spoiled when they ask for their boundaries to be respected. If you are the parent or caregiver of an
autistic child, you may find yourself in a position where someone attempts to
override their wishes. If that occurs, it’s important to stand up for the child
and advocate for their boundaries.
An important aspect of setting boundaries with
autistic people is teaching them to recognize
when a situation has become overwhelming and how to step away. When an autistic person becomes overwhelmed, they might
start experiencing a meltdown,
which is usually characterized by being non-verbal and unresponsive. This is
distressing for the individual and may provoke further defensive responses if
they are not given the space to self-regulate.
Calming sensory
rooms are ideal for this as they
are designed to promote calm and presence of mind. From
the hypnotic rhythm of bubble
tubes to the alluring light effects of sensory wall panels, you can customize your child’s
sensory space to appeal to their specific needs.
To enable an
autistic person to set their boundaries as they are starting to feel overwhelmed, it
can be helpful to teach them a few phrases so that they can communicate their feeling and retreat to their sensory space before
they experience sensory overload.
Try these:
Communication can be more difficult for
an autistic person who is non-verbal or with
limited speech or selective mutism. Using communication tools can help
bridge this gap. Our IRiS wireless products allow users to operate ‘talkers’ (controllers) to have different effects on
various ‘listeners’.
You could place some IRiS LED strips around a room and give a talker, such as
a color selector, to a non-verbal
autistic individual. They can then change
the color of the LEDs to communicate their social boundaries.
Green might mean they’re
happy to have people around them and interacting with them. Orange might mean
they don’t mind people being in the room but would rather have some space, whereas
red might mean they would like to be alone in the room. This allows an autistic person to set boundaries even without speech.
It’s important to remember
that autism affects every individual in different ways, so there are no set
rules on how to deal with autism and boundaries. If you would like to learn
more, please get in touch with our team today or find more autism
resources on our blog. We can help you find the tools to improve
communication skills and reinforce boundaries.
Cecilia
Cruse, MS. OTR/L, holds a bachelor’s degree in Occupational Therapy from
the University of Florida and a master’s in Education from Georgia State
University. A SIPT-certified professional, Cecelia has gained over 30 years of
pediatric experience in various settings, including Augusta University.
An accomplished consultant and author, she has
appeared on CNN’s Health Watch and Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. Cecilia has
also served as a Subject Matter Expert for the Abilitations/School Specialty
Special Needs Division and lectures nationwide on sensory solutions for
educators and therapists.