Taking a child with autism to a family gathering can feel like a massive undertaking. Breaking from routine and being taken to an unfamiliar place can unsettle many autistic children, while the loud noises, bright lights, and unusual food tastes and smells that feature at most festive family gatherings could overstimulate an unprepared autistic child.
With holidays like Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, and Christmas all around the corner, attending family gatherings with an autistic child may seem incredibly daunting. Thankfully this uphill battle can be won with the right preparation, with your child as well as other guests. In this article, we will outline our top ten tips to ensure that your next family gathering is as autism friendly as it can be.
While everyone at your family gathering may be familiar with autism, it is still worth prepping guests beforehand to ensure that they are fully aware of your child's specific needs. Key topics to cover include:
If you are unable to speak to everyone individually, sending an email prior to the event is the next best thing. This would also give you the opportunity to attach some relevant resources for the guests to read such that they can improve their understanding of autism and sensory differences.
Make sure you speak to the host about autism before the family gathering, explaining not only how your child may act but why. As the social difficulties autistic individuals face largely manifest in how they communicate, enhancing the host’s understanding of the relationship between autism and social development will enable them to communicate with your child as successfully as possible.
The most important preparation you can make is to talk to your child with autism about the family gathering far in advance. Explain that something out of their usual routine will be happening, then proceed to discuss it frequently in the weeks leading up to the event to encourage a sense of excitement.
When an autistic child is going back to school or attending a new school, they are often given a document known as a ‘student passport’ that includes pictures of their new teachers and classrooms so that they can familiarize themselves ahead of the new school year. If you’re going out, then creating a similar document with pictures of the venue and the other guests is a great way to prepare your autistic child for a family gathering.
If possible, we would highly recommend visiting the venue with your child before the gathering such that they can get to know the space in a more controlled environment.
When you speak to the host of the gathering, ask them what activities they have planned, what music will be playing, and what sort of food will be on offer. Having this information will give you the opportunity to expose your child to any unfamiliar or extreme senses in a controlled environment. Then, if any games, songs or foods might be overstimulating your child, you can plan ahead to prevent a meltdown.
If your child was unable to eat any of the party food, or you are concerned that trying new food could be the tipping point in an already highly stimulating scenario, you may want to bring your own food with you. This will make things easier for your child and the host.
Make sure that you explain to the host that you are bringing your own food, as this will greatly aid in their planning, as well as avoid any unintentional offense. Be aware that many restaurants don’t allow outside food; if you have any concerns, try calling ahead to see if they can accommodate your child.
Ensure that you bring along several objects, toys and accessories as these will serve as calming distractions for your autistic child should the family gathering become too overwhelming.
Figure out a good 'safe space' for your child should they require alone time. Having a little sensory backpack on hand will be an absolute lifesaver should they start to feel overwhelmed. Portable sensory tools perfect for sensory-friendly travel include sensory cushions and Perfect Petzzz, while portable bubble tubes are ideal for setting up in your designated safe space.
Family gatherings provide the perfect opportunity to develop socialization in autistic children but be wary that forcing interactions could overwhelm your child.
Throughout the event, remain with your child and be on the lookout for signs of emotional volatility while remembering to reward any good behavior.
The level or type of autism your child has may impact their ability to engage or cope with a family gathering.
1. Low support needs – Children may need support when initiating interactions, switching between activities and making decisions.
2. Moderate support needs – Children may struggle to engage in social interactions even with support.
3. High support needs – Children at the highest level may be unable to communicate other than to repeat particular words or phrases.
If your child possesses moderate or high support needs, it is crucial that a sensory space is available.
A little preparation goes a very long way.
Cecilia Cruse, MS. OTR/L, holds a bachelor’s degree in Occupational Therapy from the University of Florida and a master’s in Education from Georgia State University.
An accomplished consultant and author, she has appeared on CNN’s Health Watch and Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.
